I Really Hope Oprah Is Not Reading This (But I’d Be Grateful If She Were)

by Eric Rutulante • June 13th, 2010 • 29 Comments » • LymeBites Blog

Several years ago I had a supervisor who was a huge Oprah follower. I remember very clearly the day she told me she felt I needed more gratitude in my life. She told me how on Oprah she had learned to keep a gratitude journal, and every day to find 3 things to be grateful for. It seems relatively easy…until you begin, soon you really have to search to find things to be grateful for. But as you do that your view on life suddenly changes because you are actively searching for things to be grateful for.

Today I’m thinking about gratitude and Lyme disease. I personally am not a follower of Oprah. I’m really more just afraid of her. I am sure that some day she will be running the Universe and we will all be her minions. And that’s okay, because I think it’s inevitable. I try not to say anything bad about her for fear of her wrath. All joking aside though, Oprah has a point.

I’ve decided healing from Lyme cannot be done without gratitude. There’s more than antibiotics and supplements in healing from a life altering disease like Lyme. I am sure that gratitude is part of that.

Those of us who suffer from Lyme disease are FULL of anger. At so many things. The IDSA (Infectious Diseases Society of America), our health insurance companies, the Dr’s who will not treat us or can’t find out what’s wrong with us, our friends and family that don’t believe we are sick, etc.

I have so much anger at this disease for all it has taken from me (and the ones I love). I reached a point where I had to turn that anger into something more than a forming ulcer. The last thing I needed while fighting this horrible disease it to make myself sicker because of this anger. So I began to redirect, and that’s why this website is before you now.

In my one year battle (and I understand that I am still “new” to this, there are many who have struggled for as long as I’ve been alive with this disease) I have learned that you cannot heal with anger. It’s negativity, and that will just prolong your journey to healing.

But your anger is real, and not something you can just get rid of.

While I feel you can’t heal from Lyme if you’re full of anger, I also feel you can’t heal from Lyme without gratitude.

So why not turn your anger at this disease into gratitude for the things this disease is teaching you? While yes, I am so angry that I haven’t been able to work in a year, that I’ve lost my apartment and the life I had, I am so grateful to be alive at all. How many of you have thought you were going to die at some point during your struggle with this disease? Do you remember how scary it was to think this disease was going to take your life?

But you made it through that, and you will make it through it again when the “bad times” return, but don’t you think it appropriate to thank God (or whatever you believe in) that you ARE still here? So as angry as I am at what this disease has taken from me, I turn it into gratitude that I’m still alive.

The decision is yours. Will you sit and stew in your own anger? Or will you take that emotion and find something you are grateful for? I can guarantee you that if you start making the list of what you’re grateful for longer than the list of what you’re angry about, you will be helping your own healing. The negativity we feel from this disease can only bring us down.

So as much as I hate to admit it, all these years later, I think Oprah is right. And we all should start gratitude journals, or at the very least begin to make lists of what you are grateful for. Can you walk again after being too sick to walk for a while? Can you drive again after not being able to drive because of seizures, etc.? Can you make your words into sentences again after not being able to think well enough to write (this is from my own list of gratitude)?

Again the choice is yours alone to make, but you can choose to be grateful instead of angry. Today I choose to be grateful that as awful as I feel, and I feel worse than I have in probably 6 months, that I am surrounded by love. From the love in my mother’s home where I now live, to the love of friends I’ve spent time with today, to the text I got from the friend who misses me and just wants to let me know they love me. I’m no longer angry I’m stuck in bed today, I took my angry energy and turned it into gratitude.

So what are you going to choose to do with your anger?

I put it out on Facebook today asking people what they are grateful for today. I’d like to turn the rest of this post over to the people on Facebook and the things they are grateful for today.

Marjorie said sunshine and good weather.

Yvonne said a brand new life in my granddaughter 3 days old and beautiful.

Debbie said God, grand kids and Facebook friends.

Ashley said for waking up this morning next to a beautiful river, to the sounds of the birds singing and rushing water. “I’m grateful I had enough energy to go camping! Yay!”

Paula said for air conditioning on this hot muggy day.

Yvonne said for finding her LLMD (Lyme Literate Medical Doctor) and the treatment he is providing.

Geri said she’s thankful for husband that has stuck by her through this, that she still has her mom, and that she has so many friends who are also on this “pass less travelled”.

KC said for last night’s rest, and the sound of the rain and the cool air coming in her windows during the time she was awake. She’s thankful to be thinking fairly clearly and functioning decently for over a week. She’s also thankful for Christ for always giving what is best, though she may be too blind to see it yet. She is thankful for a church family that prays for her and to eat watermelon and seriously call it dessert (no comparison to the petro chemical tasting fudge brownie next to the watermelon).

Jodi said for her doctor.

Ashlie said for God, her family and being able to enjoy exploring the grocery store pain free today.

Brenda said she’s grateful for all the other lyme patients on Facebook. Grateful that her daughter Sami is not any worse than what she is right now. Grateful for LLMD’s, even though they are few and far between. Grateful, that even though it is a huge struggle to get treatment, that people have helped her find ways around, under or how to bust straight thru to get what Sami needs. She is grateful to have hope and a belief that things will get better with this damn disease and so grateful that she still lives in a country where she can say what she needs to say.

Angela said for all Lyme friends and the support and encouragement we share. Grateful to God for being there with her every step of the way on this journey so she was never alone. Grateful that her two boys are healthy and happy, grateful that she has meds today, grateful that she has food to eat and water to drink, grateful for her flowers, grateful for the sunshine today. Grateful for her LLMD.

Kristen said she’s grateful for her friendships she’s made with all her Lyme friends. She is grateful for they’re support, encouragement and advice. She’s grateful for the support of her family and employees and they’re understanding that sometimes she may not be herself. She’s grateful that she still has a roof over her head and she’s able to put food on her table after how much this disease has affected her financially. She is grateful for her doctor’s support, friendship, figuring out what was wrong with her, and he may not be a full LLMD but he is quickly approaching it! Most of all she’s grateful to still be alive today. “Thank you to all my Lyme friends! You’ve been such a help to me! Love you all!” said Kristen.

Sierra said she is thankful for the dear, loving, supportive, helpful Lyme friends she’s made over the years. She is grateful for her faith in God and the power of prayer. She says staying positive is soooo so important when dealing with any chronic illness. A person’s thoughts are powerful and effect health in ways most people don’t even realize. She’s thankful for loving parents who have supported her this entire time. She’s thankful for a roof over her head, food to eat, her pets, being able to still walk and talk and function enough to leave the house. She is thankful for her few true friends who did not abandon herme when she first became ill. She is thankful for living in the USA where she has access to LLMD’s and meds and natural medicine practices and supplements. She is grateful for the little things in life. The ability to laugh, especially at herself has been a huge factor in her healing. Instead of getting frustrated and mad at finding her cell phone in the fridge, she learned to laugh at her wandering mind’s antics.

Sharon said she could write a book on this “- my LLMD – nanosilver – networking with other Lymies who remove the isolation – good days - my faith – prayers – that i only have to live one moment at a time – that i don’t have to solve the oil crisis – that i can write about my journey and connect with others through that writing”

Noel said she’s thankful for a friend like Eric (that’s me!)

Tricia said the wonderful people who have appeared in the lives of her and her son when they really needed help along this challenging road…including a very determined? stubborn? LLND, the beautiful smiles on the faces of her son and his sister when they give each other “friend hugs”, her kitties for the lovies they give when it’s needed most and being able to spend time in her yard playing in the dirt.

Julie said she is thankful for over a week of more normalcy and functionality than she has had in years…it was a good run. She sure enjoyed it!!

Cheryl said she’s thankful she has a really good Lyme doctor that is doing everything she can to get her better. It’s truly a tough fight but she can’t give up just yet. She’s meeting new people that are struggling as she is with L D and she would love to meet more for support because we’re all in this together. She is also greatful of being able to wake up and see her little boy who she loves so much.

Gail said she is thankful her daughter is showing signs of true healing, she saw her run last week-end when only 6 months ago she was using a walker. She is so thankful that they have started to return to a normal family life with time to think about the things they are greatful for. She is so thankful for all the people on Facebook that have helped them get through these crazy times.

Jen said she’s so grateful for her daughter who gives her a reason to get out of bed and whose love makes her thank God for her life as small and agonizing as it may sometimes be.

Cathy said the little kids who ask her questions without judging, and know just when it’s perfect to curl up and read books with her! Nieces and nephews keep her alive!

Kim said she is grateful for modern technology which has enabled her to connect with such a large group of people who have shared information, and personal stories – some funny and some sad, about Lyme Disease, and related topics. Knowledge truly is power.

29 Responses to “I Really Hope Oprah Is Not Reading This (But I’d Be Grateful If She Were)”

Helen Raser says:

June 13, 2010 at 10:04 PM

Awesome article Eric – thank you for the great reminder – I needed it today!
Cindy says:

June 13, 2010 at 10:36 PM

My husband, mother, 2 shih tzus, my y job & the $$$ to
pay for my meds.
Trish says:

June 13, 2010 at 10:51 PM

Eric, today I thank you for this website because it has been an eye opener and a wakeup call for me to continue to count my blessings over all else no matter what. I am also very thankful for Debbie who shared the link to your website. She is a very beautiful lady who doesn’t complain about anything although I know she is often not feeling well. If I could have but one wish, I would wish for good health for all people. Those that have it don’t really understand how fortunate they are. Those that do not have it will pray for it every day of their lives and I hope that God is listening and feeling compassionate that day.

Love and God Bless from someone that has been deeply touched by what you have written and shared on this site. I hope that hearing that truth helps to lessen the anger somewhat because what you are doing is also helping other people. I am thankful for that because I am now one of them. xxx <3
Eric Rutulante says:

June 13, 2010 at 10:59 PM

Thank you Trish!!! That was beautiful, and I too am thankful for Debbie…so many angels among us. I’m glad you are counting your blessings…it’s so much better than counting our afflictions. Love and blessings from God to you too!
Eric Rutulante says:

June 13, 2010 at 11:00 PM

Helen, I think we all needed it today. That’s why we are so good as a team, we can help each other through the ups and downs, and be reminders for each other.

Peace and love to you and your family. E
Eric Rutulante says:

June 13, 2010 at 11:00 PM

Thank you Cindy….I appreciate that.
Tammy crisp says:

June 14, 2010 at 12:06 AM

Hi everyone!
I struggle with having this disease sometimes I feel resentful and angry that I feel I should be better since I did have a few months where I did feel better! I seem to regressed and some days feel like everything hurts and there is no end!
Even with all those feelings, I have many things I am grateful for everyday! I have a loving god, a great boyfriend who loves me despite all my aches and pains! My daughter just got back from NM and she and her unborn child healthy! I don’t give up no matter what! My god give me strenght faith and courage to put one foot in front of the other even when I don’t want to! I am very grateful that I have people with lyme disease who I can network and get support!
Tammy
Eric Rutulante says:

June 14, 2010 at 12:42 AM

Thank you Tammy. You are so right, we get through our struggles and find what we can to make us thankful. Thank you for your comment!!! Health and happiness to you.
Nani says:

June 14, 2010 at 12:56 AM

awesome post Eric! I am so happy you posted about gratitude. I have really tried to stay focused on the positive things in my life & the things I am thankful for…and it has really helped me! I am a huge fan of “The Secret” and gratitude is their number one lesson. =)
maryann says:

June 14, 2010 at 1:02 AM

until my husband became ill i didn;t really watch oprah as we both had full time jobs and busy lives.
i started watching O when my husband lie dying in a coma, i found myself.. still not a big O fan but i learn allot from her and many guest.
Quincy Jones being one of them..
something O say;s has helped me get through allot of nonsense racing in my mind,,,,,,,,when i know better i do better.
it is ok to learn and grow and be happy in spite of mistakes we have make in the past. forgive yourself and move on and learn..
MaryAnn ,,,this i learned from O.. and for that i am very grateful
Molly Dyche says:

June 14, 2010 at 1:03 AM

I am grateful that when i plant small seeds of love and kindness that they can go on to inspire others to do the same and thus love and kindness continues on the path spreading joy to those willing to receive it. =)
Carol Burnett, Laundry, and Medicine Shelf ReOrg « K.C.'s Lyme Journey says:

June 14, 2010 at 1:14 AM

[...] Eric of LymeBites posted a great article he wrote today (in the midst of a horrible herx!! You people that can write cogently while herxing amaze me!!) on gratitude: http://lymebites.com/blog/2010/06/13/i-really-hope-oprah-is-not-reading-this-but-id-be-grateful-if-s... [...]
Eric Rutulante says:

June 14, 2010 at 1:27 AM

Nani – another reason I knew I liked you! I too am a huge fan of the Secret. I just started reading it the months I was going downhill before diagnosis. We’ll need a Dream Team Vision Board!!!! Thanks for your comment.
Eric Rutulante says:

June 14, 2010 at 1:28 AM

MaryAnn…thank you for sharing. I like that…when I know better I do better. I am going to remember that.
Eric Rutulante says:

June 14, 2010 at 1:29 AM

So beautifully said Molly. Thank you!!!!
Tam says:

June 14, 2010 at 8:41 AM

Very inspiring! Thanks! It’s a good reminder to be grateful everyday!
your friend in lyme, barbara 20639 says:

June 14, 2010 at 8:48 AM

GRATEFUL FOR MY FAITH, FAMILY, FB FRIENDS & A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR YET!
Nancy (Moore0 says:

June 14, 2010 at 10:14 AM

TY, Eric. At my one-year mark, I’ve realized that I have been engaging in a wrestling match about my diagnosis. Part denial, part anger and lots and lots of “wallowing”. Recently, I realized, after so much prayer, that I will never get well without first truly accepting my diagnosis and then turning all that energy toward the Lord, and glorifying him every day through this illness, and focusing on all He HAS done so far, and focusing on His promises in His unfailing Word. It’s making a difference. Oprah scares me, too. I heard about a “gratitude journal” through another venue years ago, and practiced it for several years. It IS amazing how much I am grateful for, when that is my focus. Most nights, I have to stop myself at 10 items. Many nights, I could come up with a list of 100 items. Now THAT’s something to be grateful for. Thx for this post — it’s excellent, and as usual, perfectly on time, according to Him. God Bless You!
Sonya Nelson says:

June 14, 2010 at 3:07 PM

I think I have taken the gratitude route as well. There was a period where I KNEW I was dying. I was petrified that I night that if I fell asleep at night I would not wake up the next morning. Eventually the suffering got so bad that I was okay with that scenario. Just don’t let me suffer anymore!

So as I began to heal, gratitude came easily for me. Whenever I complain about a symptom getting bad or pain or just feeling like my head may explode at any minute, I think, “But I am no where near as sick as I used to be.” I become grateful and I feel “lucky” compared to others that suffer. So I don’t complain much. Things could always be worse.
lori casas says:

June 14, 2010 at 3:24 PM

I am grateful that I am alive!
That I can make a difference in Lyme Awareness! I’m very grateful I can take care of my daughter who has late chronic LYME disease, it is an honor to be at her side during this journey of our life. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world, but next to her is where I find happiness. Seeing her smile and making everyday a beautiful memory. I love my Lyme friends and family, they are positive and helpful. HUGS~lori
Eric Rutulante says:

June 14, 2010 at 4:39 PM

Thank you so much Lori!!! And thank you for the difference you ARE making in Lyme awareness!
Eric Rutulante says:

June 14, 2010 at 4:40 PM

Beautiful response Sonya….thank you for commenting. It is something I notice also as I progress towards healing, that when things do get bad or are bad I remember how bad they were, and I’m grateful again that I’m not that bad anymore. Step by step! Thank you for all you’ve done with the awareness campaign!
Eric Rutulante says:

June 14, 2010 at 4:42 PM

Thank you Nancy, and for your insight into Faith and how important that is (whatever our faith may be). Thank you for reading and commenting and for the spirit you bring to the discussion. God bless you also in your journey of healing and understanding!
Eric Rutulante says:

June 14, 2010 at 4:42 PM

Thank you Barbara…sense of humor is soooo important!!! Laughter really is the best medicine!
Eric Rutulante says:

June 14, 2010 at 4:43 PM

Thanks for reading and commenting Tam. And for all you do for Lyme awareness, looking forward to working with you in the future!
Kathleen Bayly says:

June 14, 2010 at 11:32 PM

I am grateful that I have a Dr’s office that is willing to treat me for Lyme, no matter how long it takes. I am grateful that I could be with my daughter today, at that same Dr’s office, when she was told she needed a stronger antibiotic to fight the Lyme.
I am thankful for my daughters that are truly beautiful inside and out, for my grandkids that make me laugh, and that my newest granddaughter is here, healthy and so sweet.
Eric, we have had some awesome times, I am grateful that you came into my life.
I’m proud of what you have accomplished with Lyme awareness, while being so sick yourself. I can see that you are on your way to beating this, and for that I am grateful.
Eric Rutulante says:

June 15, 2010 at 2:08 AM

Thank you Kathy…I too am grateful for you and your daughters, and that you have Lyme! LOL…you know what I mean. I’m glad you don’t have to do this alone and that we are on this journey together as you and your daughter are both healed from Lyme.
Gratitude Follow Up – Please Comment | LymeBites.com says:

July 1, 2010 at 8:06 AM

[...] A couple of weeks ago I wrote an article on gratitude, and the part I felt it played in Lyme disease. If you missed it, or to read it again you can go here I Really Hope Oprah Is Not Reading This But I’d Be Grateful If She Were. [...]
LymeAware says:

July 1, 2010 at 7:38 PM

Hi Eric, I’m new to your blog and am enjoying your writing. Thank you for this post. (I got here from your more recent one.) I think your points on gratitude are so important — not only in helping us appreciate the moments in our days with lyme, but also in finding meaning in the experience of having lyme in the first place. I’m finding that although I have my share of anger, I’m also very grateful to lyme for forcing me to stop and re-evaluate what’s important in my life.

Although I may have been functional before the lyme hit me hard, I also wasn’t really walking the path I wanted. Living with lyme forces me to stop and look at what I really want in life. What is important and what isn’t. While before, I may have spent all day feeling guilty and judgmental of myself for a messy kitchen, I now am forced to use my energy for only what really matters.

I feel strongly that even if I found the perfect treatment combination, I would just fall back into ill health again without learning those lessons.

So, I’m grateful for this life-changing event…even in my angry and low moments!