// September 18th, 2010 // No Comments » // Eric's Blog
It’s a little after 9pm, I’ve got Mamma Mia in the DVD player, along with some appetizer type stuff in line. I am exhausted. By all the fresh mountain air I think. Either that, or without the use of social media I’ve had to spend the entire week with myself and in my own head. Let me tell you, things are a little interesting in there to say the least. But enough about me, let’s talk about me.
Today some friends from home (my home before I moved home, AKA Albany) made the trek out here to join me for a day of some mountain fun. We went into town and had a delicious lunch, took a ride to the local ski center and took lots of pictures. Rode around to see some of the changing leaves, then came back here and had a leisurely afternoon before they had to leave.
I was thrilled for their visit, however it was also a tough day to pull off. Let me tell you why. I know it’s weird, but every time I herx on this current round of treatment I’m on, it begins early Friday morning, normally around 2am. So 2 nights ago I could feel it coming, and like clockwork around 2am the beginnings of a herx were there. It was a rough night, but not in any way anything like some of the bad ones. The cat had me up early, but I was able to nap. But as last night progressed I could feel it coming on again, and last night was bad. At some point in the night I was searching for some Ben Gay. I found some other cream, just hoping anything would give some relief to the pain and nerve sensations throughout my arms and legs. That seemed to work, and I went off to sleep. For 3 hours. It was then Alfie came yelling in my ear and scratching on the bed, letting me know it’s the weekend and he knows it, and needs to get outside and attend to his affairs (AKA killing birds for me to clean up). I let him out, laid back down for an hour and got up to greet my friends.
I have really felt better this week, it’s either not being on Facebook or the mountain air, but during the day even while herxing I didn’t feel too bad. I had a great time with my friends, but after a few hours I crashed. In fact, by the time they left I barely remember what was happening. Those of you with Lyme know you reach a point where you are saturated with stimulation. With little sleep, herxing, and all that went on today I think my body just sort of shut down before the sun went down.
At the time they were leaving and I was shutting down my Mom called, somewhere on her way back from Manhattan to ask if I knew why the Thruway was closed, and she was driving around somewhere down there trying to find her way home. I also then suddenly developed diarrhea. So my friends are leaving, my body is shutting down, except for my stomach which was evacuating, my Mother is lost somewhere on this side of Manhattan and the cats need to be fed. I took care of things in order of importance, until I gathered myself together a little again. I found out a bad accident had the road closed, called Mom who was by then on her way around the accident and back on the road towards home. My friend called to let me know they arrived home. The cats ate. My stomach is better, and now here we are ready to watch Mamma Mia.
But you know what? I am exhausted, and in a lot of pain. And I didn’t do all that much today. But it felt wonderful being out in the beautiful sun, up on the mountains, with some of my closest friends. I laughed so hard today that I almost peed myself. I hope my friend doesn’t mind me telling this story, but one picture I have for yesterday’s post (I can’t load any pics onto website, so I have to finish the posts with pictures in them after I return home tomorrow) is a white horse. In the post I’m going to say “I think I found a Unicorn”. When I showed my friend’s the picture today and said I found a Unicorn, my one friend said “but we don’t have Unicorns around here, do we?” I thought it was a joke. It wasn’t. I’m in tears laughing so hard at it now. This is why I love my friends, you just never know what you’re going to find out that one of them thinks Unicorns are real! Please know, this was not the first time I was laughing through tears gasping for breath today. I won’t go into details, but when I talked to my Mom (on her way TO Manhattan) she told me a story about her night, and a 911 call she had to make during the night thanks to my cat Penny (the one who is smarter than I am…or wait, is it smarter than me?) It took me about a half hour to process that, and when I did, I could not stop laughing. For a brief moment I thought I would literally die from laughter (well it would say lack of oxygen on the death certificate) because I could not breathe. And of all the times not to have cell service, when I had such a great story to text to everyone!
But needless to say…I laughed a lot today.
But the short time of feeling normal took quite a toll on my body and my mind. No matter how far away from Lyme I step to try and live some sort of life, it always snaps me right back. I had to really fight myself tonight when I wanted to feel bad that no matter what I am always reminded I have Lyme disease and am sick. I looked at pictures, thought about Unicorns, and remembered all the good moments from today when I felt like myself for a little while.
That’s what living with Lyme is like. I fight, I move forward, but I never get away from it. On a daily basis we get the chance to make the decision to be annoyed at the limitations, or be thankful for the moments in between limitations. So tonight, at the end of my sabbatical, that’s what I’ve come up with through this week of being with myself. From here on out I’m going to fight for moments in between limitations. Because that’s all they are. Limitations. It doesn’t make things impossible, because there are plenty of moments we can still do in between the things that hold us back. Today I would have done a somersault, but I was too afraid of ticks (and that I’d possibly rupture, tear or pull something). But those moments are all we have sometimes…so try focusing on them, it helps make the reality of it all suck just a little bit less.